But kids DO come with instruction manuals!
Why do we keep hearing “Children don’t come with instruction manuals,” especially in this day and age of online parent communities, tons of websites and blogs about how to raise kids, not to mention all the books published in the past 30 years about childcare?
The irony is that the motto, “Kids don’t come with instructions,” sometimes appears on parenting sites and forums—which give instructions on how to raise kids!
Of all the topics in the world, parenting is probably in the top three when it comes to the availability of instructions, directions, help and advice.
Go to a large newsstand and count how many parenting magazines are on display.
Information on How to Raise Children Is Everywhere
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The information will vary from source to source, but the point is that the information is overwhelmingly available.
It’s there at the touch of a mouse, not to mention the following:
- Community in-person support groups
- Free classes at social service agencies, hospitals and recreational centers
Between the Internet, books and magazines, the volume of parenting instructions is simply staggering.
In fact, the wealth of information is so enormous that there are magazines and books on very specific situations, such as publications strictly for newborns, few-months old, under one year, preschooler, gifted, ADHD and many more.
There are parenting magazines that cater to single moms, those who work outside the home, those who have a military spouse, daughters only, party planning, identical twins and much more.
Books on parenting are a sizzling goldmine for “instructions.” There are books on:
- Divorce
- Tough love
- Logical love
- Lenient love
- Bullying
- Raising kids without corporal punishment
- Death/loss
- Only children
- Adopted kids
- Biracial kids
- Life skills
- Sibling relationships
- Talking about sex
- Getting kids to listen
- How to raise “explosive” children
- How to raise boys
- How not to scream at your children
- How to raise caring kids without religion
- How to raise kids with sensory processing disorder
- Autism
There’s even an entire book on how to calm a crying baby (“The Happiest Baby on the Block” by Harvey Karp) and an entire book devoted to how to keep a child occupied while waiting in long lines or during lengthy car rides (“Fun on the run!” by Cynthia L. Copeland).
The only place where there are no instructions on how to raise kids is the moon!
You Need a License to Fish and Cut Hair, but Not Raise Kids
“There is no mandated training to become a parent, no license that you have to obtain,” says Dr. Tia Kern-Butler, a licensed psychologist for over 20 years who treats a broad range of issues including relationship problems and behavioral issues of children and adolescents.
“So I think when this [the instructions mantra] is said, it’s to validate for parents that parenting is the hardest job there is — and one that we are the least prepared to actually take on.
“It’s a phrase that I think was meant to make it safe for parents to admit that it’s okay not to have all the answers.
“While I do agree that there is an abundance of resources for parents to access, the key is for parents to feel comfortable enough to seek these resources without the parent guilt and shame.”
Get the Instructions if You’re a Struggling Parent
What’s really unfortunate is when a flustered parent will state, “Kids don’t come with an instruction manual,” but then refuses to reach out to the massive treasure troves of help, advice and direction – including other parents on the block or at school.
Even a childless person may have some wisdom to share. Sometimes, a solution comes from creative problem solving skills rather than the firsthand experience of raising kids.
Stop kidding yourself that there are no instruction manuals for raising healthy and well-adjusted children. The resources are insanely abundant.
Currently in private practice Dr. Kern-Butler spent 10 years as the lead child and adolescent psychologist with Winter Haven Hospital and served as the mental health liaison for the Children’s Advocacy Center for 14 years.
Professionalpsychologyofpinellas.com/about-me
Lorra Garrick has been covering medical, fitness and cybersecurity topics for many years, having written thousands of articles for print magazines and websites, including as a ghostwriter. She’s also a former ACE-certified personal trainer.
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