I never liked my nose. This wasn’t because of what anyone ever said. It was because of what I had always seen in the mirror.
My perception had nothing to do with “beauty standards” any more than not liking a particular style of shoes or handbags has anything to do with “beauty standards.”
But though I didn’t like my nose, I was far from fixated on it, and never worried what other people thought of it. It was just something I didn’t like.
At some point in my early adulthood, I began noticing that the upper portion of my nose was crooked, not just somewhat bulbous in the lower half.
I had entertained the idea of a nose job (rhinoplasty) before my mother ever even brought it up, but I had not been serious about it.
One day my mother pointed out that my nose was “crooked” — and offered to pay for cosmetic surgery.
Now, before I proceed with how I reacted and felt about this, it’s very noteworthy to mention that many young women would’ve been crushed to receive this kind of “criticism” and “body shaming” from their mother.
Some may have even cried. Some may have pushed back with insults directed at their well-meaning mother. Some may have refused to speak to her for weeks.
But my response? I was elated.
This was not body shaming. A woman sees a crooked nose on her child; knows it can be fixed; has the money for it. What’s wrong with that? NOTHING.
I’ve read of cases in which a young woman was deeply hurt when her mother suggested a cosmetic fix to her nose.
Not me. My mother had simply pointed something out that I had always been aware of, and offered to pay for it. Why would this impact my self-esteem? Jeez.
Not too long after my mother offered to pay, I saw a plastic surgeon.
Had I succumbed to the body shame mentality, I would have never seen the surgeon — and hence — would have never learned that an exam revealed that sometime in the past, my nose had sustained a hairline fracture, which was why it had become more crooked over time.
The fracture finding wasn’t a surprise because I had been involved in martial arts.
It could have also been fractured or made worse, anyways, when I’d been struck there by a volleyball very hard right up at the net. I loved the aggressive net play and had gotten a few nose hits.
The exam also revealed a deviated septum. As a result of the exam, my insurance covered half the cost.
The surgery corrected the misalignment and the bulbous portion.
Just because surgery is the only way to fix something doesn’t mean that having this done is a sign of poor body image, a need for therapy, or not loving oneself enough, etc., etc., etc.
And of course, I was very grateful to my mother. How generous!
If your mother or father ever offers to help with the cost of a cosmetic procedure, don’t feel sad; don’t feel shamed; don’t feel “not enough.” It could actually be a lot worse: They could refuse to help with the cost should you one day seek out a surgical modification.
Mother Offering to Pay for Cosmetic Surgery Is Not Body Shaming
No, it’s not, at least not in my case. It’s just that the tool for the fixing — surgery — is the only tool.
If there was a pill or cream that reshaped noses, would those individuals using the pills or cream be labeled as suffering from poor body image or lacking self-love? I doubt it.
Just because the fix costs a lot of money and requires weeks of recovery doesn’t mean that it’s any more indicative of low self-confidence than if the fix were as simple as smearing on a cream.
The first week of recovery was very tough (my mother waited on me hand and foot), but in the end, I was very glad I’d had the nose job done.
My nose came out looking much better, and the surgeon had also reshaped the bulbous area so that it was no longer bulbous. He also reshaped the tip so that the nose has a slight upward curve.
If a cosmetic surgeon asks you what you hope to get out of a procedure that you’d like (since the results of aesthetic procedures can’t be guaranteed), the best response might be:
“I hope that when I’m fully recovered from the surgery, I’d be so impressed with your work that I’d recommend you to someone else who wanted the same procedure.”
Rhinoplasty: How Painful Is a Nose Job; First Person Account
