It’s so wrong when someone says “She can have any man she wants” or “He can have any woman he wants.”
How many times have you heard about a woman with a gorgeous face and great body who keeps dating losers, and sooner or later someone says, “What does she see in him? She can have any man she wants!”?
This question has also been posted in response to really good-looking, educated men who end up involved with a witch of a woman: “Why is he with her? He can have any woman he wants!”
No, they can’t have any man or woman they want.
Here’s a question to anyone who’s ever said this about a physically beautiful woman who keeps getting involved with toxic men:
If these women can have any man they want … are you suggesting they get involved with a man who wants her only for her looks?
Because that’s precisely what you mean when you say, “She can have ANY man she wants.”
If that’s not what you mean, then what do you mean? The old, tiresome statement is never used for homely or older frumpy-looking women. Think about that.
It’s said only about a young woman … and one with a very pretty face plus a conventionally attractive body.
The numbskulls who make this comment are essentially stating that a gorgeous woman should get involved with a man who wants her as eye candy.
Good Looks Don’t Mean Good Personality
If a good-looking woman or man can have any partner they want because of their looks, just how does this work?
Does a dynamic, easily adaptable and accommodating personality automatically come with exquisite facial features and a perfect body?
Do all those traits that people seek in a mate … honesty, sense of humor, common interests, shared values, good listener, being affectionate, etc., etc. — automatically come with anyone who has a great looking body and attractive face?
Just what Almighty Power dictates that a person should be able to find a soulmate simply because he or she is wonderful to look at?
Is it not even remotely possible that a woman with a drop-dead gorgeous face and build might happen to have a quirky personality that makes it difficult to keep a boyfriend?
Is it not possible she could be very introverted or eccentric?
Maybe she’s rough around the edges and doesn’t trust people due to childhood trauma.
Perhaps she’s just naturally boring and dull.
Why must people assume that a really handsome man also has a very attractive personality?
Maybe the stud CAN’T get any woman he wants because he lacks social skills, doesn’t care for people much and isn’t good with conversation.
He’d rather spend an evening studying the night sky with his telescope than at a nightclub meeting hot chicks. Well pardon him for not looking like a geek!
People expect the good-looking among us to have a personality that matches. This is wrong.
Though there seems to be anecdotal evidence that outwardly attractive people, indeed, have an easier time socializing, and that popular, well-liked kids and adults are often classically appealing in the looks department, there’s also a logical explanation for this.
It’s All in How They’re Treated Growing Up
Good-looking children are treated better than plain or average ones.
When a child is treated well by the adults around him or her (neighbors, teachers, extended family, anyone they ever cross paths with), this will go a long way at cultivating that child’s capacity to develop many close healthy relationships and acquire many good friends.
When a child is not treated well, is brushed off, silenced, ignored, insulted and excluded, he or she is at risk for failing to develop their best social skills and maximal capacity to forge healthy bonds with new people they meet.
Though attractive kids can also be abused, and homely kids may luck out and be surrounded by loving, respectful adults, the general rule is that looks influence how one is treated.
In fact, when my nephew was in first grade, he was something of a brat at school.
His parents were told he was getting away with it because of his good looks!
It’s no secret that attractive defendants in murder trials are more likely to be found innocent when compared to ugly or homely defendants.
Good Looks Get You Noticed More
So though it’s completely wrong to state that someone can get anyone they want because they have good looks, it’s actually accurate to state that good looks will increase the number of potential partners they come in contact with in the course of life.
Suppose a young, beautiful, slender woman goes on a single’s cruise.
Maybe 400 men will notice her; of those, 200 will want to talk to her. If she has the time, she’ll be able to “interview” 200 men, all from a single source: the cruise.
Now suppose a young woman with all the physical traits that society deems unbecoming goes on that same cruise.
Maybe 15 men will want to strike up a conversation with her.
She has a significantly more limited pool of men from which to “interview” for a possible relationship.
The beautiful woman, with so many more men from which to choose, is much more likely to find a boyfriend in that large group, than is the second woman with a scant 15.
Furthermore, as both women go through life, the pretty one will consistently get more men to “interview,” exposing her to many more possibilities, significantly increasing her chances of finding “the one.”
It may be five years before the plain and especially homely woman encounters 200 men in a close-enough context (other than the workplace) to sprout a conversation.
Thus, beauty or handsomeness will get you favorably more noticed by many more people than if you were a Plain Jane or Plain Dane.
In theory, this should make it easier for a woman or man with movie star looks to meet the individual who eventually becomes their spouse.
But in no way, shape or form does any of this mean that the next person you see with a Golden Ratio face or fitness model body should be able to get any soulmate they want. This is just utter nonsense.
