When are people going to realize that the greatest “secret” to a very long marriage is to live a long life?
Nobody died yet, so that’s why the couple is still going strong!
Seriously, I get a kick out of all those “secrets to a long marriage” articles that are always popping up, usually featuring at least one couple who’s recently celebrated a 70th anniversary.
Well, yeah, of course they’re still married; both are still alive!
Two Secrets to a Super Long Marriage
- Don’t die
- Marry young
This formula maximizes the number of years a couple has been married.
They marry at 20 and, due to a combination of genetics, healthy lifestyle and modern medicine, they’re “still together” at 95.
Imagine all the marriages that’d still be in existence from 60+ years of the wedding date had one of the partners not passed away from any of the numerous causes of death among humans.
Years ago there was a heartbreaking story of a young woman who was engaged to a man in the military. She had welcomed his preschool son from his previous marriage like her own.
The day he was to come home from overseas duty, the chopper he was in was shot down, killing him.
The picture of her face upon learning this news was (in poor taste) included with the article. Her face was the epitome of pure agony.
I’m sure that had he survived, they would’ve been in the news 70 years later celebrating their wedding anniversary.
There was another story of a woman whose police officer fiancé died in the line of duty.
She was quoted as follows: “I’ve waited all my life for a man like Rob.”
Peoples’ lives get cut short, and this rivals divorce as a cause of terminated marriages.
If you spend a little time googling, you’ll easily find numerous examples of people who were killed on their honeymoon – often from freak accidents.
I suppose it’s anyone’s guess just how long some of these marriages would’ve lasted had the honeymoon death not occurred.
There are also many cases in which a young adult was killed early on in a marriage – snuffing out the possibility of a long union.
PEOPLE DIE. This interferes with the survival of a marriage.
I’ve yet to read of an advanced-age couple, upon being asked, “What’s the secret to your long marriage?” answering with: “Neither of us has died!”
A Widow Takes Issue
There was a story I once read where a young widow hated coming across articles or news segments of how to make a marriage last for decades.
She said her own marriage would’ve been one of those news-making, 75-year anniversary types had her husband not died (I don’t recall cause of death).
It’s pretty logical to assume that many young widows and widowers feel this exact way.
Top 15 Causes of Death in Americans 18 to 35
According to the CDC here are the top 15 causes of death in the U.S. among people 18 to 35.
The percentage values reflect a comparison to other causes of death in this age group.
1 Unintentional injuries (e.g., motorcycle accident, workplace) — 48%
2 Suicide — 20%
3 Homicide (e.g., gunshot, stabbing) — 14%
4 Cancer (e.g., brain, leukemia) — 5%
5 Heart disease — 4%
6 Chronic liver disease and cirrhosis — 3%
7 Diabetes mellitus (type 2) — 2%
8 Cerebrovascular disease (e.g., stroke) — 1%
9 Kidney disease — 1%
10 Influenza and pneumonia — 0.6%
11 Birth defects — 0.5%
12 Septicemia (bodywide infection) — 0.5%
13 Chronic lower respiratory diseases — 0.4%
14 COVID-19 — 0.3%
15 Other specified causes — 0.2%
Though murder and suicide take the #2 and #3 spots, don’t let this deceive you.
The No. 1 cause is accidents – claiming a percentage that’s much bigger than the #2 and #3 causes combined.
Accidents, of course, would include the helicopter crash and all the motor vehicle crashes you’ve heard about on the news that killed a young adult – and many of those young adults were married to similar-age people.
It’s disheartening that suicide is 20%, but this still leaves plenty of causes that are beyond the victim’s control.
Certainly, young adults tend to be more reckless than middle age and elderly people, and hence are more likely to get murdered (e.g., getting involved in a bar room brawl) or be careless in a dangerous job.
Plus, young adults are more likely than older to work in a dangerous job. They’re also more likely to drive, especially if they have a job!
- Young adults marry.
- Young adults are not immune to death.
This should make you wonder about how long the marriages, involving an early death, would’ve lasted had that unfortunate individual not drowned on their honeymoon vacation; had not been killed during military duty; had not gotten a brain tumor; had not been careless with their type 2 diabetes management.
Though 40 to 43% of first marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, we can’t ignore the hardcore fact that premature death (80% not from suicide) claims the lives of young adults every year, many of whom are married.
And certainly, out of those married couples affected by these deaths, we are left wondering how many would’ve celebrated a 70th wedding anniversary had both simply lived long enough.
My sister and her husband married at 23 and 22, respectively.
This means they’ve been married 43 years. Neither smokes; they drink only lightly; neither uses illegal drugs; both exercise and lead safe lives — they don’t engage in risky activities; both wear seatbelts).
I’m sure that both would, if asked today, what the secret is to their marriage’s longevity, they’d claim reasons such as never go to bed angry at each other; always be honest; be a good listener; make time for weekly date nights; give more than you take, etc.
But let’s be real: My sister’s pickleball and Orangetheory routines, and her husband’s golf and gym workouts; and both their commitment to weight management — have played a starring role in their long-lasting marriage! Oh, and also the young age when they married.
Here is more information on the CDC data.
