It’s a myth that kids who are big or husky hardly ever get bullied.
Ever notice that in TV shows and movies, a boy who’s a bully is almost always bigger than his classmates? He’s taller and has a chubby or husky body, a portly kid.
Oddly, in films when a bully is a girl, she’s usually not big or hefty.
What’s up with the stereotype of a male bully being the biggest kid in the class?
Think back to your grade school and junior high school days.
Remember the bullies? Were they bigger than most kids their age?
Were their victims usually smaller?
Big tall kids are not immune to getting bullied.
Many big and tall kids get harassed about their size — by much smaller classmates.
When you get right down to it, it’s what’s inside that matters—inside that towering or big body, or that petite or slight frame.
And if what’s inside is full of pain, hurt and anger—then the conditions are ripe for producing a bully.
Shutterstock/igor kisselev
Kids don’t become mean just because they’re taller than everyone else or husky.
Ask yourself what is it about being chubby or tall that would make a child mean spirited. It’s a complete myth that a small child can’t bully a larger classmate.
It’s utter nonsense to believe this, yet on an episode of “Judge Judy,” I was livid when she blasted the defendants that their husky tall grade-school boy couldn’t have possibly been the victim of bullying by the plaintiff’s boy—because the plaintiff’s child was a lot smaller.
Judge Judy actually scolded something pretty close to, “There is NO way he bullied your kid; he’s half your kid’s size!” And here I was, thinking, “Judy Dear, where’s YOUR thinking cap?
I’ve witnessed situations in school in which the bully was half the size of the victim!”
Why do kids become bullies?
- Because they’re big?
- Or because of something going on inside the household?
- Do kids really think, “Gee, since I’m half a foot taller than everyone else in my grade, I might as well go around being mean” ??
Though it’s often said that a small child becomes a bully to prevent being bullied by bigger kids, the conditions for this defense mechanism have to already be in place.
I cite the case of a girl I’ll call Kera who went to my junior high school. She was shorter than most kids and had a normal, lean build for an adolescent (her adult height is probably 5-2, based on her relative height back in junior high).
I was told that in grade school (I didn’t attend Kera’s grade school), she was ridiculed as she struggled to learn English, having moved to the States from another country.
It’s logical to deduce that she became a bully come junior high to put an end to being the victim, and maybe some of this was related to her size.
But the conditions had to be there to begin with: lack of support from her parents; no adult role model to help her put things into perspective and deal with adversity constructively.
But small stature, in and of itself, did not turn Kera into a bully.
It didn’t turn Nunzio into a bully either. He was a lot smaller than his victim. Nunzio hardly looked like a bully, being short and scrawny.
His victim was taller, but not taller than average (yes, Nunzio was that short). But the victim was husky and had a good deal of weight on his bully.
So you see, being big, fat or husky doesn’t turn a child into a bully, and being small, skinny or short doesn’t automatically make a child a victim OR a bully.
What makes kids become mean has everything to do with the relationship they have with immediate family members, particularly the parents, and what kinds of behavior they witness among their parents.
Another Explanation for Why Bullies Often Are Smaller, Shorter than Their Victims
Bullying involves “an imbalance of power,” says Israel (Izzy) Kalman, MS, nationally certified school psychologist; director of Bullies to Buddies: and author of numerous books and publications on bullying and relationship problems.. The bully is supposed to be the stronger one, he continues.
However, very often, the bully is weaker than the victim—or apparently so, anyways, i.e., shorter, weighing less.
“But there is a very good reason that the so-called bully is often weaker than their victims,” continues Dr. Kalman.
“We no longer live in nature. If we live in nature and I pick on someone stronger than me, I am insane. They’re going to beat the crap out of me or kill me.
“But we no longer live in nature. We live in civilization. We are not allowed to injure or kill each other.”
So here’s what might be going on inside the bully’s head, though not necessarily word for word, but rather, an overall impression, says Dr. Kalman:
“Today, if I pick on kids who are weaker than myself, I look like a schmuck. If I’m smart, I’m going to look for the biggest kid in the class.
“I’m going to insult him and his mother. I’m going to drive him mad. And if he dares to lay a hand on me, he’s the one who’s going to get in trouble!
“So I’m going to pick on kids who are stronger than me, and everyone will admire me. But if I pick on kids who are weaker than me, I’m going to look like a jerk. No one is going to respect me.”
Final Thoughts
It’s a myth, a stereotype, that a bully is always bigger and taller, or physically stronger, than his or her victims.
Sometimes, the victim of bullying is one of the biggest kids in the class.
Dr. Kalman is a psychotherapist in private practice and has treated many victims of bullying for over 20 years. He has published extensively on solutions to bullying.
Lorra Garrick has been covering medical, fitness and cybersecurity topics for many years, having written thousands of articles for print magazines and websites, including as a ghostwriter. She’s also a former ACE-certified personal trainer.
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