And why can’t mildly autistic people just learn to overcome their social awkwardness?
Someone posted in the comments section to an article about autism that “every loser is going to self-diagnose [autism] with what is actually a REAL, doctor-diagnosed, crippling social disorder.”
The critic then said that most of the people in the article’s comment section don’t have autism, and that “…you just are socially inept. If you never practice or develop social skills (much like programming), you tend to be really, really bad at it.”
The Key Word Is “Natural”
Someone with mild autism (technically known as Level 1) rebutted this guy, pointing out that due to people such as himself, many on the Spectrum have difficulty keeping jobs.
The difficulty doesn’t lie in an inability to do the job from a technical standpoint.
In fact, a neurodivergent may be exceptionally skilled, working faster than their neurotypical coworkers, being distracted less by mundane small-talk.
But there’s a problem — created by the neurotypicals. It’s the “fitting in socially” aspect, and this can get them fired. It’s gotten ME fired at least a few times in my life.
The respondent added that neurotypicals often can’t grasp the concept that a coworker may not be as capable of navigating office politics.
The critic thought that all would be well as long as the autistic person put on an act.
But the critic didn’t account for the unnatural nature of this.
He was unable to imagine being in a world dominated by autistic people, and how he’d have to “act” against his natural grain to fit in, and how this would leave him feeling exhausted after eight hours on the job doing this.
Social Ineptness vs. Missing Social Cues
Social ineptness can be learned, but when there’s a “problem” early on in childhood, chances are high that it’s just the child’s nature.
It can go undetected for a while as well since adults give more leeway to young children when it comes to “acting a little different.”
When a neurotypical is merely socially inept, they still understand social cues. This is hardwired into NTs.
They just don’t want to abide by them — for whatever reason (learned behavior from parents, being in a bad mood, a disgust towards people in general).
A person with Level 1 autism may not detect a social cue in the first place.
And they may not even be aware that they missed a cue, either. It’s not like a buzzer goes off every time they miss something.
But when they miss something, this can cause the neurotypical to suddenly act in an unexpected way — which puzzles the autistic person.
The Autist (especially if undiagnosed) then may think something’s “wrong” with the NT.
If this scenario repeats often enough, it will explain why the Autistic is eventually fired or why he or she can’t fit in, feels like an outlier, never gets invited to coworker parties, etc.
There was a coworker of mine, “Jaynelle,” who every so often suddenly commented something to me — just to be social, perhaps during a moment she was bored.
The 48-year-old sat just feet from me, and we’d have periodic, pleasant conversations.
I learned she had her first child at 19 and that he was an accountant. I learned her 14-year-old daughter’s name was “Kylene” but went by “Kylie.”
One day Jaynelle and I briefly chatted about how all dogs are descended from wolves (she had initiated this topic).
This single mother also one day told me what a blast she and Kylie had had at Disney World. Jaynelle was an NT.
Then one day I learned she was planning a big summer barbecue — nearly the entire department was invited — but I was not.
I found this very puzzling. Now that I look back, I’m wondering if my neurodiversity was okay for her, as long as her interaction with me was confined to the workplace. She didn’t want this oddball woman at her house. (This was years ago, before I knew I was autistic.)
For the record, I would’ve declined had she invited me. However, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have been puzzled over why she excluded me yet invited others whom she chatted with LESS! I swear, neurotypicals are impossible to figure out!
The reader who had rebutted explained in the comments section, “Most of the non-verbal subtexts and inferences that people convey in everyday conversation are registered and processed subconsciously by the neurotypical brain.
“You don’t have to consciously think about whether the person is getting bored with what you’re talking about, or whether they even want to talk to you (or like you), or even when it’s your turn to talk.
“Those things became subconscious for you when you were a young child. That is not the case for me and others like me. And no, it’s not for lack of practice.
“Do you really believe that spending 6-8 hours a day, five days a week, for nine months out of the year for 15 years, surrounded by upwards of 40 people, wouldn’t provide us with sufficient practice to be at least basically socially literate?
“Do you really believe that then spending countless hours on a college campus and in a corporate workplace wouldn’t provide those opportunities (or rather, force such ‘opportunities’) to gain even basic social skills?”
I had no better social skills after living in a college dormitory for four school years than when I spent my first night in one.
I may have turned out more outspoken, but being outspoken isn’t a social skill.
“Conversations, especially face-to-face, require paying conscious attention to body language, ‘turn’ cues, interpreting people’s speech — both the literal meaning and going through the mental data stores of potential hidden meanings (e.g., we have to consciously and deliberately read between the lines) — and so on,” continued the respondent.
“We were always taught that it’s rude to interrupt. Yet when we go out into the world, interrupting is often required in order to be able to voice anything.
“However, what makes it even more confusing is that there seems to be unspoken times when it’s okay to interrupt and when it’s not okay, and only neurotypicals instinctively know these times.
”When an Autistic tries to emulate the neurotypical behavior, they’re met with anger or some version of scorn at the fact that they interrupted, despite it looking to the Autistic that everyone else does it.”
The Takeaway
People still insist that there’s only one kind of autism: the kind that “Rain Man” had, or the kind that Tommy Westphall in “St. Elsewhere” had, or an obviously visible presentation that comes with requiring a lot of extra help in daily tasks. Everyone else is just socially inept.
What these naysayers ignorantly overlook is that the very first individual to be diagnosed with autism lived independently and worked as a banker!
Donald Triplett was identified by Dr. Leo Kanner and became “Case 1” in Dr. Kanner’s landmark 1943 paper on autism.
He was first evaluated by Dr. Kanner in 1938, but Donald’s official diagnosis is generally cited as in 1943 because that’s when Dr. Kanner published the case series defining autism as a distinct condition.
So in a sense, the “original” autism is actually a mild form rather than one characterized by language difficulty, inability to attend mainstream education and impairment with basic personal care.
