Is it rude not to pick up an item that a stranger accidentally dropped, or even if that person is someone you know?
This might not be something you’ve ever wondered much about, but it deserves a dedicated article.
I was motivated to write about this topic after someone quickly moved to pick up my sunglasses off the floor, which had fallen out of my fanny pack.
But she wasn’t a stranger; she’s a mildly intellectually disabled woman for whom I’m a direct care provider once or twice a week, taking her into the community.
In an effort to hastily retrieve my prescription sunglasses (that I use mainly for driving), she accidentally stepped on them, bending one of the glasses’ arms near the frame.
Not knowing this in that moment, she adjusted her stance, picked up the glasses and handed them to me.
Of course, I thanked her, while internally wishing she had not done that, as I already knew that there was damage.
The glasses no longer sat correctly on my ears, and I kept adjusting them.
She apologized multiple times, and I kept assuring her it was no big deal.
But it was. I could no longer wear these prescription glasses because they kept tilting to the left, making my eyes uncomfortable.
I had to discontinue wearing them. I’d later learn that the Kaiser clinic near my home did not have a vision center. I had gotten the glasses from a different Kaiser 60 miles away before I moved.
I’d now have to wait until my next doctor appointment at a more distantly located Kaiser to have their vision center correct the arm.
I kept wondering, up to many weeks subsequent to the incident, what would have possibly compelled “Ayva” to feel the need to retrieve my glasses – even though I had never indicated to her that I had back pain or difficulty bending over.
In fact, she knew that I was very physically fit. Obviously, she wanted to make an effort to do what she had thought was the proper thing to do.
But I see this quite differently, and for a few reasons.
First off, if the person who drops something is physically disabled, then yes, it would be kind to retrieve the item for them.
Or, if the person is your mother or father, or grandparent, then again, simply out of respect, the proper thing to do is get the item for them.
But outside of those contexts – I say NO, let the individual pick up the item!
This will guarantee you won’t damage or break it or otherwise alter it in a way that the individual does not want.
They may be a “germaphobe” and not want anyone else’s fingers on their belonging.
Furthermore, from the picker-upper’s point of view … here’s something to consider: You have no idea what kind of gunk or whatever could be on that personal item.
I actually would find handling someone else’s glasses rather…yucky, because the end of the arm rests above and behind their ears, where for all you know, there could be a lot of dirt.
Those arms could have also made contact with facial sweat hundreds of times.
I was not impressed that Ayva hurried to pick up my glasses. She’s very “high functioning” and does not need to prove herself to me in the least.
From an Autistic’s Point of View
I’m on the Autism Spectrum, and in addition to the aforementioned considerations, here’s another:
If the person who drops something is a stranger, and is not physically disabled, you should think twice before picking up their dropped lipstick, wallet, quarter, pack of gum, keys, receipt, pen, pad of paper or whatever the heck it is.
- What if that stranger has social anxiety?
- What if they’re having a crappy day?
These are two excellent reasons not to pick up the object.
Because if you do, it’ll make them feel that they owe you an acknowledgment or a social connection.
And if they have social anxiety or are having a lousy or stressed day, they very likely do NOT want to make a social connection – even briefly – with a stranger.
And last but not least – what if they’re autistic? Though some Autistics wouldn’t mind a stranger picking something up that they dropped, you don’t know if this particular individual is that way or just the opposite!
I don’t like making the obligatory social connections, or whatever you want to call brief, obligatory interactions, with strangers who would think they were helping me out by picking up something I dropped or holding a door open for me.
I like to be in my own world when I’m out and about by myself, and don’t want to be put in a position where I’m expected to connect with another human.
The exceptions are when I need retail or other business assistance, or someone compliments me on my shirt, or I wish to compliment someone on their hair.
Yeah, the bank teller’s going to ask me how my day is going so far. I’ll say, “Good, and how about you?” I want good service, and that’s how to get it.
But making that expected connection with some stranger who just put their hands on your lip balm, inhaler, phone, etc.?
I’d feel ever so awkward pretending they really indeed helped me out and saying a fake “thank you.”
Don’t worry; I will NOT think you were rude by not picking up something I dropped.
Want to be polite?
There are many ways to be polite and considerate without putting your hands on someone’s belonging.
They may wonder where your hands were moments before; that’s another one to consider!
You can be a courteous driver by not tail-gaiting on the highway, by using your turn signal and by making sure your headlights are on at night.
You can be a courteous neighbor in many ways, too, such as not slamming the daylights out of your door or letting your dog bark excessively.
But picking up something that a stranger, or even someone you know, dropped – well, that’s just getting TOO personal.
