Is it oddly unnerving when you keep hearing your name over and over when someone’s speaking directly to you and nobody else is around?
You secretly cringe every time you hear your name.
Now, it’s not that you have a weird name or a name that all your life people have made fun of.
In fact, you may have a very common name like Jim, Sandy, Tom, Courtney, Eddy, Jennie, Terry or Kaitlynn.
And it doesn’t bother you at all when you hear your name being spoken to someone else with that same name.
But it’s a wickedly new ballgame when you hear your name being repeatedly spoken by someone talking directly to you.
Even if it happens a few times, it’s … cringey. It’s like, “Why do they keep saying my name? I’m the only one here!”
But it’s more than that, and you know it — and you probably really can’t explain why.
You just know that there’s more to the discomfort than that of the speaker having no reason to keep saying your name.
- It’s much more than that.
- It may be autism.
I’ve always felt an odd un-ease whenever someone said my name when talking to me – other than the initial mention to get my attention.
The discomfort would be more pronounced if there was absolutely no reason for the other person to say my name.
What I mean by this is if the other person were angry, aggravated or upset with me, and in the process of expressing themselves, they spoke my name, it wouldn’t be as unsettling.
That’s probably because there’s logic to someone using your name when they’re upset, irate or otherwise emotional towards you.
But doggone, when it’s just a casual interaction – either social based or business based – and they keep speaking your name, it’s like WTF – stop it already!
This has to be related to my autism – which I didn’t know I had until March 2022 when I got my clinical diagnosis after feeling different and disconnected from people all my life, and often feeling as though I were “psychologically messed up.”
But I didn’t realize this is probably an autism thing until I stumbled upon a subreddit thread about this very specific topic.
I couldn’t believe what I had just read! The subreddit is AutismInWomen.
The thread, at the time of this posting, has 190 responses.
Could you be autistic?
Though I never gave much thought to my aversion to hearing my name being repeated by someone talking to me, other than when it was actually happening, I began wondering about this after reading through the intriguing thread.
I’m now convinced it’s one of my autistic quirks. Autism, more than anything else, explains my aversion.
And it’s pretty difficult for me to believe that many neurotypicals or non-autistic people experience the same aversion!
This definitely sounds like an autism thing!
If hearing your own name – even a “normal” name like Ben, John, Bob, Chris, Jordan and Sue – being spoken multiple times by anyone talking to you (be it a family member, coworker, client, doctor, neighbor, a service provider or someone you just met at a social event) – makes you feel ill-at-ease … you may want to ask yourself some other questions to see if you just might be on the Autism Spectrum.
• Does eye contact trouble you?
• Do you rehearse anticipated conversations in your head over and over?
• Do you hear things others don’t such as a ticking clock, the hum of an overhead light or a woodpecker?
• Do you have strange interests that people say you talk about too much?
• Have you always felt like you were on a stage when interacting with others?
• Do social events make you feel taxed afterwards?
• Have you always had trouble fitting in?
• Do people say you’re rude even though you don’t intend to be?
• Do you get ribbed for taking things too literally or have trouble understanding sarcasm?
• Do you rock, walk on your toes, pick at your skin, make odd movements with your hands or like to “fidget” with various objects?
• Are you deeply troubled by certain food textures, different foods touching each other on a plate or prone to eating the same foods every day?
• Do you wear the same clothes all the time at home?
• Did you line up your toys as a child?
• Do you need a lot of alone time?
• Do you often get rattled by unexpected changes in plans or procedures or when you must change your routine?
• Have you been diagnosed with panic attack disorder, bipolar or a personality disorder (common misdiagnoses for autistic women)?
• Do you have a diagnosis of ADHD (many people with ADHD are eventually also diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder)?
NOTE: No autistic individual will answer “Yes” to every one of these questions.
If you answered “Yes” to most or even half of these questions, your next step should be to take an online autism test – which doesn’t diagnose, but it serves to provide some insight.
I recommend the Autism Quotient Test. It’s 50 questions and easy to take.
It’s likely not normal to feel discomfort or unsettled when someone who’s speaking to you casually uses your name throughout.
For me, it feels like the other person is stepping over a boundary — if that makes any sense.
Repeating a person’s name is endorsed by many marketing and sales experts, to help win over potential clients or customers.
You may find a car salesperson or a barista – who wasted no time getting your name – doing this to you. It’s a well-known strategy in the business world.
But even in the business world, I HATE IT.
And I can honestly say that there was no incident in my childhood or at any point in my past that could explain this dislike, even if I’m told that when people do this, they’re trying to forge a connection.
I now chalk it up to my Autistry! The Reddit thread is here.
Lorra Garrick is a former personal trainer certified by the American Council on Exercise. At Bally Total Fitness, where she was also a group fitness instructor, she trained clients of all ages for fat loss and maintaining it, muscle and strength building, fitness, and improved cardiovascular and overall health. She has a clinical diagnosis of ASD.
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