Is there a sneaky question that if you asked someone who’s autistic, their answer would reveal their autism? I don’t mean “Are you autistic?”
I mean a clever question disguised as being interested in that individual, yet also designed to indicate autism.
I have a clinical diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Before I began experiencing my own suspectrum, I had no idea what innocuous question you could ask someone, in which an autistic person would likely answer it noticeably differently than would a neurotypical.
This article pertains to those who don’t mask enough to pass as definitely neurotypical, but who may still present as possibly NT, although nerdy, quirky or nonconforming. But then…you can’t help but wonder, Could they be autistic though?
After learning so much about ASD once I began my diagnostic journey, I’ve come up with one single question whose answer could give autism away.
You’re probably wondering, “Why not just ask them if they’re autistic?” Well, in certain circumstances, you might not want to be this forward.
The person whom you’re clocking for possible ASD might be, for instance, your new supervisor at work.
It could be a customer service employee. It could be the handyman, the real estate agent, a new neighbor, someone at the gym you’ve chatted with a few times, someone you just met at a wedding or some other individual for which such a blunt question would seem very inappropriate.
The Question that Can Show if Someone’s Autistic
Here it is: “So…what’s your latest special interest?” If someone has the diagnosis or identifies as autistic, they will know exactly what you mean by “special.”
That’s because they will have already done a ton of research on autism. It’s impossible to research autism without soon coming upon the term special interest.
In a moment, I’m going to tell you how an Autistic who knows they’re autistic will likely respond to this question.
But first, I want to point out that prior to my suspectrum, had someone asked me, “So, what’s your latest special interest?” I would’ve replied, “What do you mean, ‘special’? Nobody’s ever put it that way before.”
Someone who knows they’re autistic (i.e., who’s done the research, as this is an invariable next step when someone first begins wondering if they’re on the Spectrum) won’t ask, “What do you mean by special?”
Instead, they’ll likely launch into an info-dump about their current special interest. I say “likely” because it depends where and when you ask them.
Don’t ask just as you’re both exiting an elevator and going in opposite directions. Ask when there’s plenty of time to talk.
It may not always be an info-dump, though. But if it is, then this is very telling — especially if their face shows sudden intense enthusiasm — though it may also remain rather neutral as they dump.
The reason it may not always be an info-dump could also be related to your relationship with them. It could be due to the fact that not all Autistics will go into info-dump mode when asked about their special interests.
It could be because the special interest doesn’t give rise to a lot of narrative. For example, I have a lifelong special interest in racial mixes, but this isn’t something I care to info-dump about.
Yes, I want to know the racial breakdown of someone I just met who has green almond eyes, caramel skin and straight light brown hair, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend the next five minutes explaining to them how genes express themselves.
I just had to know the racial background of an employee at an auto dealership. She looked part Asian but her black hair was thick and full, not pin-straight and shiny. So I asked. She was half Japanese, half Mexican.
I responded, “The Mexican explains the fullness of your hair.” And that was good enough for me; I didn’t feel like talking any more about it; I had gotten my answer.
So be prepared: Asking a self- or clinically diagnosed Autistic what their special interest is won’t necessarily net an info-dump and enthusiastic hand-flapping.
However … the diagnosed or self-identifying Autist won’t ask what you mean by “special,” either. Instead, they’ll straight-out answer. The absence of “what do you mean by ‘special’?” is a tipoff they’re autistic and know it.
This isn’t to say that a neurotypical would never immediately give a straight-out answer. Certainly, there are NTs who’d simply answer what their current topic of interest is.
But let’s face it: If you’re already getting autistic vibes from someone, and that person doesn’t question what you mean by “special,” there’s a good chance your suspicion is correct.
The nice thing about this question is that, if the person isn’t autistic, they won’t be offended. They may wonder why you put “special” in there, but the question will never cause any awkwardness.
What will also make autism highly likely is if that individual names something really peculiar as their current big interest.
So let’s go back several years before I began wondering if I could be autistic. If someone had asked, “What’s your biggest special interest going right now?” I would’ve asked what they meant by “special.”
That suspecting person might’ve replied, “Oh, well, what’s a topic that really excites you or that people think you talk way too much about?”
In this hypothetical scenario, I may have answered, “The many different ways you can spell girl first names. Don’t get me started. I can go on and on about this.
“In fact, I see your name tag says Angelina. There are SO many ways to spell this, but everyone who names their kid Angelina always spells it like everyone else.
“I’m like, ‘Think outside the box! Be original and creative! Don’t spell it like everyone else does!’”
Seriously. Had someone asked me five years ago, this is pretty close to how I would’ve responded.
Angelina would then realize, Hmm, my suspicion seems to be spot-on, but let’s follow up: “How do you think Angelina should be spelled?”
I’d say, “Oh good Lord, it’s ridiculous how many ways it can be spelled, but if I named a daughter Angelina, I wouldn’t spell it too crazily, but definitely pretty good off the beaten path.
“For instance, Annjellina, Anjeleena, Anjelyna. Nobody dares to be different and unique. What’s really odd is that some names have only one standard spelling, and if you veer from that, people wonder about you. Yet other names don’t have a standard spelling, like Caitlynn, Sheri and Darrel.”
By now, Angelina would be thinking, Yup, I clocked her right, all while I would’ve had NO idea what the motivation behind her original question had been!
Sometimes the answer will be even odder than name spellings, such as a strong interest in sidewalk cracks, power strips or the different colors of license plate stickers.
Keep in mind that the answer could be something common such as books, Disney characters, crocheting or videogames.
But remember, the person who knows they’re autistic will NOT ask what you mean by “special” – unless they’re one step ahead of you and realize you’re screening them for autism!
