When a woman posts “I wish I had your confidence!” on the bikini self-love influencer’s IG page, just what kind of confidence is she seeking? Allison Kimmey

How do you tell that a woman has confidence when all she’s done is pose in a bikini?

How did the standard for what confidence means get lowered so much?

What typically happens is that a body positive influencer repeatedly posts images of herself flaunting a bikini, even if she’s quite overweight.

Somehow, someway, this is supposed to mean that this full-figured woman is brimming with confidence.

Fans will often comment:

“I wish I had your confidence!”

How would you know this woman has confidence?

Oh, that’s right: She’s 220 pounds but is smiling in a bikini. Allison Kimmey

Facetiousness aside, this is not the least bit predictive of how she’d respond in life circumstances that require a high level of self-confidence!

All you see is that split-second in time when she’s posing for the camera.

Now, if an image was captured of a very full-figured woman jogging in a 10K – this would definitely indicate some degree of confidence.

It wouldn’t mean she could single-handedly wage war against drug dealing in her town, but it definitely shows considerable persistence and drive for achieving a difficult goal. Shouldn’t this be the woman you’d want to emulate?

Instead, you’ve learned to associate wearing a bikini with self-confidence.

For all we know, your “inspirational” role model cracks under moderate stress or allows herself to be bullied at the workplace.

Or perhaps that “confident” size 24 woman in the bikini standing in the foamy beach waves amid the pretty rock formations allows her two young children to boss her around.

What goes on in the mind of the follower who posts, “I wish I had your confidence!”

Maybe for some of these followers, all the confidence they want is to simply wear a bikini – and nothing more. Allison Kimmey

However, their comment often comes with more thoughts, clearly indicating that the follower believes that their plus-size bikini role model is teeming with confidence well-beyond the beach.

If you’re plus size and need a boost to your self-confidence, why not seek out Instagrammers who’ve actually DONE something impressive with their full figured body rather than haughtily pose in a bikini – which, by the way, sends the message, “Even a big woman can be a sex object!” ?

Want to see large women who don’t need a bikini to show the world they have confidence? Allison Kimmey

How about starting with #platformqueens? You’ll see plenty of plus size women there. Just keep scrolling.

At first it’ll seem like the same two plus-size women keep showing up. But again, just keep scrolling. And you will see REAL confidence among a variety of big women!

Lorra Garrick is a former personal trainer certified by the American Council on Exercise. At Bally Total Fitness she trained clients of all ages for fat loss, muscle building, fitness and improved health. 



Top image: Shutterstock/Kletr