A young woman said she recently started strength training and was scared of the idea of being stronger than men she might want to date.
Her current boyfriend “has no muscle,” she posted in the fitness forum. She pointed out this boyfriend probably won’t last long due to that fact.
The 22-year-old posted, “I have this nagging fear of being stronger than men,” and, “Wouldn’t that severely limit my dating pool?”
She also posted:
• “I wouldn’t want to date a man weaker than me.”
• “I feel like I need a guy who lifts.”
• “I know people will say I’m superficial but I can’t help but love a strong big man. It’s some primal instinct in me.”
A few responders suggested that the OP might be a troll. However, I believe the OP is being sincere, because there really ARE women who are “afraid” of being stronger than their boyfriends or men they date.
Certainly we’ve all heard of women who can’t get past being only an inch taller than their boyfriend!
My niece won’t wear high heels because they make her height even with her six-foot husband!
It’s this kind of thinking that makes it easy to believe that the OP is not a troll.
And besides, every so often I DO catch a thread started by a woman who feels awkward about being stronger than her husband due to her strength training.
So yes, you definitely know there are women who are skittish over the concept of being stronger than men – at least men they may want to date.
Women Who Strength Train and Are “Scared” of Being Stronger than Men
The OP acts as though men will automatically know she’s stronger than them.
Anyone who’s been involved in the world of strength training knows that a woman can be a LOT stronger than she looks.
There are 130-pound women deadlifting over 250 pounds and bench pressing over 200.
If you share the OP’s sentiments, you must realize that unless you boast about your strength feats, a man isn’t going to know you’re stronger than him – unless you work out with him.
Or get caught red-handed carrying the file cabinet across a room that he couldn’t budge earlier that day.
Granted, some women DO look amazingly strong from intense bodybuilding. But they didn’t get that way overnight.
Just how much weight can the OP lift? She doesn’t say, but she believes she will be progressing very quickly (she only recently began strength training).
But she acts as though finding a stronger man is impossible. The various gyms I go to (it’s a franchise) are full of very strong men with serious muscle development.
Advice for Women Who “Fear” Getting Stronger than Men
You should feel good that being stronger puts you in a better position to fight him off if he becomes physically aggressive or help him out if he becomes injured or sick and must be moved.
From one responder: A trained woman is stronger than an untrained man, but a trained woman is weaker than a trained man.
In general this is true. It goes back to my previous narrative: The OP can find plenty of stronger men at the gym.
Another responder says, If you want a guy that is stronger than you, there are plenty, even among those who don’t lift.
The majority of men who are larger than you will be stronger.
If you want a lifter that’s fine but if you just want a guy who is strong in the everyday get sh*t done sense, it’s not difficult to find one.
Being that the OP is fairly new to strength training, it won’t be difficult for her to find a non-trained man who’s stronger.
However, the responder is wrong to say that “the majority of men who are larger will be stronger.”
As a former personal trainer, I know this to be false. For example, one of my novice male clients was 24, six feet and 215.
It took all he could to complete 12 reps of seated overhead presses with 15 pound dumbbells.
If the OP plans on pursuing serious strength training, her observation is valid—she WILL eventually surpass the strength of most untrained men.
Another responder asked if the OP planned on taking first dates to the gym to test their bench max.
Another suggested that the OP ask in her online dating profile, “How much do you squat?”
But in all seriousness, if you yourself are “scared” of this situation, rest assured, many men will embrace this aspect of you.
They’ll feel a bit less insecure about the idea of you walking alone at night in a parking garage…
…And speaking of insecure, another responder pointed out that when a woman is physically stronger than her date, this quickly weeds out insecure men!
Lorra Garrick is a former personal trainer certified through the American Council on Exercise. At Bally Total Fitness she trained women and men of all ages for fat loss, muscle building, fitness and improved health.
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