Did a psychologist just tell you that your child can’t possibly have autism because they’re social, friendly, smart, very verbal and/or gives eye contact?
I recently read of yet another parent who’s beyond frustrated that her young son was denied an autism diagnosis because, as the psychologist told her, “He’s social, friendly and smart.”
The mother was seeking a diagnosis so that he could qualify for formal support programs.
Is there a possibility he’s not autistic but has another condition that mimics autism?
Yes. However, to rule out autism just because he’s “social, friendly and smart” is gross negligence on the part of the examiner.
What particularly strikes hard is the “smart” component of the denial.
How is it that this psychologist, who’s supposed to be an expert in autism assessments, equates autism with intellectual impairment?
The irony is that one of the stereotypes of Autism Spectrum Disorder is that of being very smart – a la the fictitious and highly intelligent TV characters of Sheldon Cooper and Temperance Brennan – who are clearly “autistic coded” by the script writers.
It’s unbelievable that in 2025, we have a psychologist conducting ASD assessments on kids who actually believes a child can be too smart to be autistic. What in the fudge, people!
There are many teens, diagnosed with autism, who are already taking college level courses.
And yes, there are many autistic teens who have the cognitive skills of a preschooler – a severe intellectual disability that just happens to co-occur with their autism.
Co-occurrence doesn’t mean causality or some kind of linkage, even if it’s true that severe intellectual disability is more likely to occur in autistic individuals than in neurotypicals.
But increased likelihood of this comorbidity does NOT mean any kind of cause-and-effect phenomenon.
I’m very smart (entered high school at 13), run a very successful website (this one!) and – I also have a clinical diagnosis of autism. Yes! I’m autistic – four-year college degree and all!
I also know other adult Autistics who are very intelligent, having met them at events for autistic people. Among their professions:
- IT specialist
- Software engineer
- Immigration lawyer
- Neuropsychologist
- School nurse
- Architect
- Junior high school English teacher
- Drone specialist
- Graphic designer
- Karate school co-owner, instructor
In addition, I’ve interviewed or have had as guest authors for this site many autistic adults whose lines of work required above-average smarts including that of tax accountant, former combat medic, sales team leader, social worker and various educators.
Autism is a socio-communication disorder, not a deficit in IQ.
A child can be as smart as a whip and still be on the Spectrum.
I told that mom, whose post was on Facebook, to find a new examiner at a different clinic.
I’ve met autistic adults and kids at various events who were social.
I’ve met some who were just the opposite as well.
Autism Is Not a Template Condition
Misinterpreting or completely missing social cues does NOT mean someone can’t be friendly and want to interact with other humans.
I’ve gotten social cues wrong or was unaware of when they were occurring, but there’ve been many times when I’ve felt like joining in on conversations – because, gasp! I’M human too!
If your young child is highly social and engaging, this doesn’t rule out autism.
Nowhere in the DSM-5 — the U.S. mental health practitioner’s manual of diagnostic criteria – does it state under Autism Spectrum Disorders that the absence of friendliness and refusal to socialize are necessary for a diagnosis.
Nor does this manual state that an IQ under 90 is required for an autism diagnosis.
Temple Grandin, an animal science professor and pioneer in autism self-advocacy, has been quoted as stating, “Without autistic people there’d be no Silicon Valley.”
Now, I’m not trying to stereotype ALL autistic individuals as being nerdy geniuses in the tech industry.
However, my point is that there seems to be more autistic people in the tech field than there are in the general population.
Psychologist says your kid’s too social and smart to be autistic?
- Run in the opposite direction.
- Seek out an evaluator who’s up-to-date with autism assessments.
- Remind yourself that Donald Triplett, the very first person ever to be diagnosed with autism, was a banker by profession!
- No matter how smart your kid is – if you believe they may be on the Spectrum, then trust your instincts and what you’ve researched about ASD – and then seek out a professional assessment by someone who has plenty of experience and is not trapped in the Dark Ages of what autism is.
Socializing and Friendliness
Shutterstock/Pressmaster
Children with autism can indeed be friendly and social — although they typically express these traits differently than do neurotypical peers.
Many autistic kids form meaningful relationships and show affection, empathy and a desire to connect.
Their social communication often relies on unique interests or behaviors to engage with others.
For example, a study by Bauminger and Kasari (2000) found that autistic kids often desire friendships and can develop close peer relationships, especially with guidance and support.
Being Smart
Kids on the Spectrum can be highly intelligent, often demonstrating exceptional skills in specific areas as well as an all-around high level of academic abilities.
Myself as an example, I began showing a gift for art at around age five, and took to playing the piano quite easily (I never had a “banging” phase) at around the same age.
Some kids on the Autism Spectrum also show strengths in memory and pattern recognition.
IQ tests are actually based on pattern recognition.
Studies like Dawson et al. (2007) have shown that autistic kids can score within or above the average range on IQ tests, especially when assessments are adapted to their communication style.
Final Thoughts
• There is a such thing as autistic kids and adults with friends.
If your child, whom you suspect has autism, has typical friends from school, don’t let this fool you.
Trust your intuition and find a psychologist who specializes in childhood ASD assessments – one who won’t hastily rule out autism based on non-diagnostic features such as “has friends” or “can start a conversation.”
• Autistic kids can do well academically. Some may even be at the top of their class. No human being can be too intelligent to be autistic.
• If family members have told you, “Oh, he’s too (fill in the blank) to have autism,” ignore these comments.
Lorra Garrick is a former personal trainer certified by the American Council on Exercise. At Bally Total Fitness, where she was also a group fitness instructor, she trained clients of all ages for fat loss and maintaining it, muscle and strength building, fitness, and improved cardiovascular and overall health. She has a clinical diagnosis of ASD.
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