It’s actually true that some women will accept a ride from a stranger because they think it’s the polite thing to do, that it’d be rude to decline.
Let’s look at this situation a bit more closely:
A woman decides to get into a 4,000 pound box of metal with a complete stranger of a man—a person she’s known for only seconds.
She has no idea if his driving is impaired due to medications, or having just smoked a joint or had too much to drink, or God knows what else; maybe he’s just a careless driver even during his most alert moments.
And that’s just the beginning.
Because when a man offers a woman who’s a complete stranger a ride, this should set off piercing alarm bells.
I’ve actually read accounts in which a woman accepted a ride from a stranger because she thought it was rude to refuse.
In one of these accounts, the “nice” man ultimately drove her off somewhere to rape her.
She later said, “I thought it would be rude to decline the ride.”
Some women really do feel that the polite thing to do is get into that car with that total stranger — putting her life in the hands of someone she doesn’t know from Adam.
What does it say about a woman’s sense of self when she thinks like this?
It means she’s putting the feelings of a complete stranger ahead of her own safety! Wow!
“Society teaches girls that they need to be sweet ladies – that means being nice and bottling things up even when we are upset,” begins Patricia Celan, MD, a senior psychiatry resident at Dalhousie University in Canada.
Dr. Celan explains that women, even from an early age, are taught to be “quiet and small in public places so as not to disturb other people, being polite to someone who is rude, and prioritizing manners over safety.
“A woman who voluntarily gets into a car after a man offered her a ride typically does this because society conditioned her to be a kind, polite, grateful, well-mannered lady who hides her true feelings.
“Society also often teaches women to ignore and [not] question their own instincts.
“This is a generalization, and some areas may be more traditional than others.
“Improvements have indeed been happening in the messaging to females in recent years; women being bold, outspoken, courageous and direct is now seen more in pop culture.
“Until this improves further, remember: ‘Well-behaved women rarely make history.’”
It’s Not Rude to Decline a Stranger’s Offer of a Ride
Shutterstock/michaeljung
What’s rude, young ladies, is when a stranger puts a woman on the spot by pulling over to the curb and calling out to her if she’d like a ride.
There are no statistics on what percentage of men who do this are looking for a rape (and possibly murder) victim.
So it’s unknown if 75% of men who offer rides to women are rapists; if 90% are; or if only 20% are. We just don’t know.
But it’s dangerous to give “that nice man” the benefit of the doubt!
It’s like walking blindfold across a busy highway. You might NOT get hit. But what if you do? Splat!
So what percentage of men who offer rides to women they don’t know—men who pull alongside the curb in their cars—are dangerous?
Well ladies, let’s look at this from a very fascinating perspective:
If a man is truly being nice and simply wants to be a good citizen…why is it that you never hear about homely fat older women getting offered rides?
“How come women who look like me never get offers of rides from all these “nice” men? Hmmm…maybe they aren’t so nice after all — maybe they’re predators, ya think?”
It’s almost always a young attractive woman or teenage girl! The irony is that these men know that a hefty older woman will find walking more tiring than will a young and fitter woman!
Yet that “nice man” isn’t nice enough to offer a ride to the woman who needs it more: a heavy-set middle-aged one or a senior citizen! Um, doesn’t this strike you as a wee bit odd?
Dang, this exclusion of unattractive or older women should set off alarm bells!
A sex offender ultimately wants a victim who’s gullible, naïve, too inexperienced in life to hear the alarm bells.
The predator may see the heavily-built, middle age woman with harder facial features as potentially threatening, someone who can spot a sex predator a mile away and who will loudly snarl back at the slightest offer of a ride.
He also doesn’t want to have to wrestle with a 200 pound woman — it would be far easier to control a 130 pound body — especially if he plans on killing and burying his victim.
So why don’t these predators offer frail, lightweight old ladies a ride?
Because they figure that by old age, a woman will know better than to accept the ride!
“A predator knows he’ll never lure ME into his car!”
A predator may also find that raping an old woman might remind him too much of his mother or grandmother; he sticks to younger victims.
It’s also more difficult to even find elderly pedestrians, as most people who have to walk for transportation tend to be younger.
It also seems that the majority of “old” women walking alone in a residential area are deliberately walking for exercise — and hence, would promptly refuse a ride and keep on walking.
Also, a predator won’t be keen on asking a woman of any age if she wants a ride if she’s dressed in exercise attire and has a “for exercise” gait.
If a man you don’t know offers you a ride …
Refuse it.
You’re young, healthy looking, the weather is nice — what the hell is some stranger offering you a ride in his car for?
This is one scenario where giving someone the benefit of the doubt could cost you your life.
Refuse the damn ride. You won’t lose sleep over it. You’ll get over it within 30 seconds after he drives off.
If you want to be polite, there are safe ways to do this.
Getting into an enclosed 4,000 pound box of metal with a man you’ve just met is one of the most insane things a woman can do. Refuse the ride!
Dr. Celan is a post-graduate trainee in psychiatry, working in diagnosing and treating patients with psychiatric conditions. She is passionate about psychotherapy, especially in trauma, anxiety and depression.
Lorra Garrick has been covering medical, fitness and cybersecurity topics for many years, having written thousands of articles for print magazines and websites, including as a ghostwriter. She’s also a former ACE-certified personal trainer.
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