Autistic people have empathy. We just express it differently. It’s the psychopath who lacks empathy.
Here’s a comparison between neurotypical and autistic empathy.
Empathy is often discussed in terms of the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It’s a varied construct that encompasses cognitive empathy (the ability to understand another person’s perspective) and affective empathy (the ability to share another person’s emotional state).
When people explore empathy, a critical distinction is often made between autistic empathy and neurotypical empathy.
A common misconception is that autistic people lack empathy.
This stereotype is not only inaccurate but also harmful. Research and anecdotal evidence suggest that while autistic individuals might experience and express empathy differently, they are not devoid of it.
Cognitive Empathy in Autism
Cognitive empathy, also known as perspective-taking, can be troublesome for many on the Autism Spectrum.
This difficulty often stems from challenges with theory of mind — the ability to attribute mental states to oneself and others.
Autistics may struggle to predict or understand the thoughts and intentions of others, leading to difficulties in social interactions and communication.
They may also not even be aware that they have misread someone else’s thoughts or intentions.
When this misinterpretation eventually backfires, the Autist has no idea what they “did wrong.”
Many autistic people can and do improve their cognitive empathy or perspective-taking skills through experience and explicit teaching.
Affective Empathy in Autism
Affective empathy, which involves sharing the emotional experiences of others, is often intact or even heightened in autistic individuals.
Many people with autism report experiencing intense emotional reactions to the feelings of others, sometimes to the point of being overwhelming.
This heightened emotional sensitivity can make Autistics highly compassionate and caring once they understand the context of another person’s emotions.
For example, an autistic person might feel deep distress when they see someone crying, even if they don’t fully understand why the person is upset.
This intense emotional response indicates a strong capacity for affective empathy, which can sometimes be misinterpreted due to difficulties in cognitive empathy.
Cognitive Empathy in Neurotypicals
Neurotypical individuals generally have more integrated experiences of cognitive and affective empathy.
They can more easily understand and predict others’ thoughts and emotions, allowing them to respond in socially appropriate and supportive ways.
Neurotypicals usually develop theory of mind skills early in childhood, allowing them to understand and interpret social cues and the perspectives of others with relative ease.
This skill enables them to navigate complex social interactions, understand unspoken social rules and build relationships based on mutual understanding and shared interpretations.
For instance, when a friend seems upset, a neurotypical can often deduce the potential reasons behind their friend’s feelings by considering the context, past experiences and the friend’s typical reactions.
This cognitive empathy allows them to offer appropriate support and comfort.
Affective Empathy in Neurotypicals
Affective empathy in neurotypical people involves not just understanding but also resonating with others’ emotional states.
Neurotypicals typically experience a natural and balanced integration of cognitive and affective empathy, enabling them to feel with others and provide empathetic responses effectively.
For example, if a friend shares a joyful experience, a neurotypical might feel happiness and excitement alongside their friend, reinforcing social bonds and mutual understanding.
This balanced empathy helps in forming and maintaining emotionally supportive relationships.
Comparing Autistic and Neurotypical Empathy
One significant difference lies in how empathy is expressed.
Neurotypicals often express empathy in ways that align with social norms and expectations, such as verbal reassurance, appropriate facial expressions and comforting gestures.
In contrast, autistic individuals might express empathy in less conventional ways due to issues with social communication.
For instance, an autistic person might show empathy through actions rather than words, such as offering practical help or spending time with someone in need.
These expressions might not always be recognized as empathetic by neurotypicals but are nonetheless genuine and meaningful.
A specific example is an autistic woman notices a child of about five standing alone in a busy mall, crying.
She approaches the girl and says in a nonchalant but curious voice, “Excuse me, why are you crying?”
The girl says she’s lost and can’t find her “mommy.”
The Autist – thinking in terms of tactics rather than feelings – says, “Come with me to the information center. You can tell the person there your mother’s name and they’ll make an announcement. Do you know your mother’s first and last name?”
The child confirms this; the autistic woman then leads the child – without touching her, without holding her hand.
The Autist is thinking strictly in terms of fixing a problem in the shortest amount of time possible.
An NT woman would very likely show feelings and emotions, such as using an overly empathetic voice, placing her hand on the girl’s shoulder, and saying words to the effect of, “Ohhh, sounds like your mommy’s lost. You must be pretty sad about that. Let’s go find her; it’ll be okay – don’t you worry now, Sweetie. Let’s go find a nice grownup who will help find your mommy. I bet she’s sad, too.”
Though not all neurotypicals would respond this way, and not all Autistics would take the “unfeeling” approach, keep in mind that an Autistic, far more likely than an NT, will take the tactical and detached approach; and an NT, far more likely than an Autistic, will express emotions through tone of voice, words and body language.
The Takeaway
Both autistic and neurotypical individuals can experience high levels of emotional sensitivity, but this can manifest differently.
Autistics might experience sensory overload or emotional overwhelm more frequently, impacting their ability to process and respond to emotions in real-time.
Neurotypicals, while also capable of emotional sensitivity, generally do not experience the same level of sensory processing challenges.
Keep in mind that an Autistic may also show minimal emotions and a lack of connecting with the other person or child, and be focused solely on solving the problem without any filler or fluff.
Think of this as, “Well, here are three things you can do,” rather than, “Oh MY, I can’t imagine how uptight and stressed this must be making you.”
There is variety in how autistic people – as well as NTs – express or show empathy.
Empathy is a complex and multifaceted experience that differs among people, whether autistic or neurotypical.
