If you were dying & had to choose between a childless woman to raise your children and a mother of four, the mom would get them even if she was Mama June?
After you read this, you’ll certainly be convinced that sometimes, childless people are quite qualified to give out parenting advice!
But first, are you one who thinks that people who’ve never had children are out of line when they dole out parenting advice?
According to this line of logic, any adult who’s raised kids is qualified to give parenting advice.
But really now, we know this can’t be true. Would YOU take parenting advice from Bobby Brown, Kate Gosselin or Mama June?
Think of one of the most selfish, self-centered, impatient and uncaring persons you know.
Does she or he have kids? What kind of parenting advice do you believe they’re capable of giving?
Good parenting advice will come from a loving, clever, creative, patient, affectionate and rational individual.
And bad parenting advice will come from a bitter, emotionally distant, narcissistic person, especially someone with anger management problems.
It doesn’t make any difference if this second group has raised 10 children. This quantity only means they’ve imposed their crippling traits on 10 kids, not zero.
“A person does not have to have walked in another’s shoes in order to give them advice,” notes Stacy Kaiser, a southern California-based licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert with a special interest in the topic of bullying.
“You do not have to have been an alcoholic to have suggestions for a person who drinks too much,” says Kaiser with this analogy. “Similarly, you do not need to have a child to offer parenting suggestions.”
Or as the clever saying goes, One need not be wearing your shoes to see that your shoelaces are untied.
Ironically, there exist parents who give excellent parenting advice, but who are toxic to their own children.
Shutterstock/Mastaco
Yes, I’ve known of more than one individual like this. Unfortunately, one is my oldest sister. Her advice is good, but she has never applied it to her kids.
Since early childhood, her oldest daughter has been continually insulted — by her mother.
The bullying has been despicable, and by the time my niece was 15, she had what looked to be cigarette burns all over her arms; the teen was a skin-picker.
My sister was spending, out of pocket, $2,000 every month on psychotropic drugs for all three of her kids, because she believed their imperfections were derived from faulty innate brain wiring.
Yet my sister makes a living giving parenting advice: She’s a doctor whose practice specializes in treating kids diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. Unreal.
It’s important to note that Kaiser points out that “having lived the experience of being a parent, one does pick up tools and ideas that they may not have had.”
You may know of a coworker who has five kids and want parenting advice from them simply based on this.
But what if you learned that this individual was prone to temper outbursts and had zero patience?
- What if you learned this adult never read to her children when they were very young?
- Never even tucked them in bed?
- And when her son goofed up during a piano recital, she shamed him afterwards?
- Would you still seek this woman’s parenting advice?
My oldest brother sought parenting advice, prior to having his children, from a psychiatrist who had no children.
My brother’s three kids are now grown up and remarkably successful and were never in any trouble when younger.
When They Were Teenagers
The contrast between the trio of kids between my sister and brother, when they were teens, was striking.
My brother’s three kids, when teens, excuded that “They’re going somewhere big in life.”
When his daughter was 19 she was a star athlete at her big-name college, always smiling, always cheerful and pleasant. Her biggest problem was body image.
She is now a successful influencer on YouTube and Instagram who has a TED talk to her credit.
When my sister’s oldest daughter was 20, she was an angry, brooding, average college student who drank heavy and had gotten pregnant out of wedlock by an abusive boyfriend. Nobody knows if the baby miscarried or was aborted.
Though she’s now gainfully employed, her Instagram account reveals an immature young woman.
Do you still think people without kids have no business telling other people how to raise theirs?
Now whom would you want for your young child’s nanny? A 45-year-old self-centered, impatient, high-strung woman who’s quick to criticize people — but has raised four children?
Or a woman of the same age who’s never had kids — but alas, is calm, patient, warm and kindhearted, is quick to praise and is fun-loving? The answer is a no-brainer.
Sometimes, a childless person is in a perfect position to give parenting advice simply because they are skilled at solving problems. Sometimes they simply have common sense.
And sometimes it’s because their parents made enormous mistakes.
One example might be a man named Kevin giving advice to a buddy, Stan, who has a 14-year-old son on how to handle the son’s reports that he’s getting bullied at school.
Maybe Kevin was brow-beat by his father for being a “coward” at school, and this made him even more vulnerable to his bullies, feeling more powerless.
Kevin, as an adult, may very well have super advice for Stan that could lead to empowering the 14-year-old.
Isn’t it funny that the criticism, “What do YOU know? You don’t have kids!” never applies to when that childless person gives out advice that the parent actually agrees with? Very interesting!
An adult is either a bad person or is a good person. Raising kids usually will not alter that status.
With over 100 TV appearances on major networks including CNN, NBC, CBS and ABC, Stacy Kaiser brings a unique mix of provocative insight to many topics such as anger management, office relationship issues and parenting.
Lorra Garrick has been covering medical, fitness and cybersecurity topics for many years, having written thousands of articles for print magazines and websites, including as a ghostwriter. She’s also a former ACE-certified personal trainer.
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