If you never spank your child, will they be at higher risk of eventually becoming a bully towards other kids?
Is there really a connection between lack of corporal punishment and becoming a bully?
More than one parent has posted in a forum, “If more people spanked their children, there’d be a lot less bullying.”
But we really have to look at this from a logical perspective rather than from an emotional perspective.
Just how on earth can getting NO spankings inspire a child to push around a classmate or pick fights in the schoolyard?
To put this another way, how would punishment of only timeouts, groundings, being sent to one’s room and confiscation of toys, the computer, TV, etc., encourage that child to then go out and shove other kids to the ground, trip them or unleash verbal insults?
Do you really believe that the absence of spankings made this child mean?
Why do kids become bullies?
– To prevent being a victim.
– Low self-esteem; bullying makes them feel 10 feet tall.
– To be revered by classmates as a leader.
– Learned behavior: An older person in the household, usually a parent, bullies the bully; or, the bully has repeatedly witnessed a parent behave aggressively towards other adults.
Expert’s Perspective
“It’s unfortunate when blanket statements are made regarding specific parenting approaches,” says Kyle Gillett, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and Executive Director and Founder of Solstice East and Asheville Academy for Girls.
He leads groups and conferences on bullying, aiding victims and also the bullies.
“The truth is that spanking or the lack of spanking in a parenting skillset has never been shown to cause anything — the association lies much more in the overall approach that parents apply in their parenting.”
Parenting can be divided into three categories: permissive, authoritarian and authoritative.
“A permissive parent has too few boundaries/rules and/or does not enforce them in a healthy way in the home (may be seen as a pushover).
“An authoritarian parent has too many boundaries/rules and/or may enforce them in too strict or demeaning of a manner (yelling, punitive punishments, could be seen as a drill sergeant).
“An authoritative parent has just the right balance of boundaries/rules, and enforces them consistently and with a respectful tone/approach.”
Dr. Gillet further explains, “So, a permissive parent not spanking his/her child could — along with MANY other passive and permissive parenting approaches — inadvertently teach a child how to manipulate a situation, take advantage of others, have very few boundaries, etc., which could lead to bullying.
“An authoritarian parent spanking his/her child on a regular basis could teach a child that physical confrontation is the way to solve problems and enforce differences in opinion.
“The good ol’ ‘kick the dog’ syndrome could apply here in which a child feels powerless with his or her parents, and in craving some power, determines to exert it through bullying behavior towards younger siblings or same-aged peers.
“An authoritative parent may choose to spank their child or not, and apply alongside their spanking strategy [or not] many other well-balanced boundaries/rules and ways to enforce those rules that teach their children not only to follow rules, but also how to appropriately show respect for others, communicate in healthy ways, and ultimately how not to be a bully.
“In other words, spanking or not spanking has little to nothing to do with whether a child will become a bully.”
Dr. Gillett’s
