If you think you can’t possibly have sleep apnea even though people say you snore like a chainsaw or gasp in your sleep, here’s your checklist for why it’s impossible for YOU to have obstructive sleep apnea.

No Way Do I Have Obstructive Sleep Apnea Because…

• I snore. I can’t get through the night without snoring. My wife socks me in the side and I roll over and stop snoring for a while. Then I roll on my back once more and snore.

• I don’t just snore. I snort. My roommate says I sound like a pig.

• I gasp in my sleep. People tell me I’m breathing, then stop, then start gasping. Then the cycle repeats.

• People watch my stomach when I’m napping or sleeping overnight and report that it doesn’t move for 30 to 60 seconds at a time.

Well hell, don’t these people know that I’m a naturally shallow breather and that only a rabbit could perceive the up-and-down motion of my stomach?

• I can’t live without naps built into my regular schedule. And 30 minutes is way too short for a nap. A real man takes 90-plus minute naps.

• And any woman with more than one young child is deserving of frequent long naps, because we know that a healthy fit woman should be exhausted every day taking care of her kids.

Having three kids under age five makes you immune to sleep apnea.

• It’s normal to wake up with a headache, especially when 1) you have young children to take care of, or 2) you anticipate a grinding day at the office. Waking with headaches is a sign of stress or bad pillows and nothing more.

• The most comfortable chair in the house induces sleepiness in those without sleep apnea. This is why I always fall asleep in the recliner.

No, it’s not sleep apnea; it’s the recliner in the living room that forces me to close my eyes and snore with my mouth wide open in the presence of other family members.

• It’s that darn Kindle! It puts me to sleep every time! That’s what does it; how can I blame obstructive sleep apnea?

• I’m not as young as I used to be. That’s why I’m tired all the time. That’s why I never feel refreshed even after 10 hours of sleep.

That’s why I have to nap all the time. And don’t ask me why I had these same problems when I was 28. The reasons were different back then.

I had babies to take care of, a household to run, a job to report to every day. Of COURSE I was tired all the time!

• Everyone has to pee at least twice overnight. It’s just that some people can sleep through it and I can’t because I’m a naturally light sleeper.

Of course, all these bullet points are spoken in jest. But it’s to demonstrate a point: So many people who have undiagnosed OSA refuse to consider that they just might have this common disorder.

They have a habit of blaming other circumstances on their symptoms.

Unfortunately, even doctors have been known to attribute the symptoms of unrelenting fatigue, headaches and irritability to stress and overworking.

Untreated sleep apnea may also lead to “brain fog” or issues with concentration, and dozing off at the most unexpected times such as when stopped at a red light, waiting for a friend at a café or during a business meeting.

Types of People Who Can’t Have Sleep Apnea

Types of People Sleep Apnea CAN Affect
• Harried moms of several energetic children
• Men stressed from their grinding 50-hour/week jobs
• Men with enlarged prostates
• Women going through perimenopause or menopause
• Elderly people who blame age on their sleepiness and fatigue

But if you can think of any reasons why YOU possibly cannot have obstructive sleep apnea despite having troubling daytime symptoms, post them in the comments section below!

Top image: Shutterstock/Maria Sbytova